Tami's Thoughts

I went back to the doctor this past Friday to see Marty (the talking doctor as I call him) and Dr. Peckham (the drug doctor). I love going to see Marty. He asks me questions about things and I answer them and he offers advice. This past session I wish he would have just let me talk about what was going on, at times I don't like having someone ask me questions about what is going on and have me answer them like that. It's a bit annoying. I would like to have touched on Matthew's death a bit more than we did because it got brought up at the end of session and I ended up crying. That's the first time I've cried in session with him and really the first time I've let myself show too much emotion regarding Matthew. It was hard when I found out he had died. I loved him dearly and still do. As for Dr. Peckham , he seems to base his dosage of medicine on a person's weight instead of their tolerance to it. At one point he had me taking 140mg of Geodon . I can't h...

So many things have happened since my last post. I got fired from the library Aug. 19th. Long story but job performance was a big part of it. To be honest I had quit caring and it showed... alot. I got back into therapy and am seeing a guy named Marty at least once a week if not every two weeks. That's helping out a lot. They diagnosed me with cyclic mood disorder and depression. So basically it's bi-polar. I got on some medication and have been taking that. It's helping but knowing that I am bi-polar makes me feel really bad for some reason. I mean I know it's not something that I can help, but I wonder how much easier things could have been if they had caught this earlier. Like say back in high school. Would I still be the person I am today? I don't know. I'm not really dealing with this diagnosis very well. I've been quite snippy at people and flying off the handle over the smallest things. Dr. Peckham told me it would take awhile for the medicine to star...

I typically use a different place to blog but seeing as how it's down at the moment I decided to try this one out. I've seen a few people I went to highschool with on here and want to be able to keep in touch with them. I think even if you weren't technically friends while in school something changes when you get out and none of that matters anymore. I hope that's the case. I like these people very much and respect them. They've gotten married and a couple of them have beautiful children. Ah, an introduction? Well my name is Tami and I live in a small town in southwest Arkansas. I work in our county library and hopefully I can go back to school either this semester or the next. I'm excited about that and know that this time around I'm really ready to change my life. I want a really good paying job so that I don't have to scrounge around for hours. I want what I call a "real job" instead of hourly. If that makes sense to anyone. In any case, I j...